GP1 is flying to London this evening, for an American visa for his impending trip to the States with BUNAC. He will have to leave his passport at the US Embassy and needs some photo identification to fly home again. Yesterday we took the house apart looking for his student rail card to book train tickets for a trip to Newcastle on Wednesday. No joy. Today we took the house apart looking for his driving licence. Of course he has known for weeks that he needed some id for this flight. Of course he has known for days that he didn’t know the whereabouts of his driving licence.

We didn’t find the driving licence but I did find, down the sides of the sofas, the following:

• Several male nail clippings;
• Approximately 10 assorted pens and pencils;
• The remains of a party popper;
• Miscellaneous bits of Knex;
• A few playing cards;
• 25 Spanish pesetas;
• £10.74 in loose change (all mine, as I was the one who bravely stuck my hand where no man would dare);
• A lot of stuff too disgusting to describe.

After I’d excavated that lot he discovered he could use his old, recently expired passport for identification. His driving licence will have to wait a few ore days.